Embarrasing Moment: A beached whale with striped legs

Part I.  The Tan

Early in our marriage, Ryan worked for Cutco Cutlery as a sales person and manager. We love that product. Ryan was an amazing sales person for them and we were rewarded with some really cool trips (Rome, Italy – Barcelona, Spain – Honolulu, Hawaii). In March of 2003 we went on the Hawaii trip while I was five months pregnant with our second child. I was beyond excited. In preparation for the trip I decided that I needed do something to hide my florescent white legs. A winter without seeing sun will do that to your body, plus I am pretty white anyway. Ryan always says I don’t tan, my freckles just merge. I was afraid of blinding all the other tourists by the pools and beaches. So I decided to try out this new spray tan salon that was down the road from our home in Las Vegas. We were packed and ready to head to the airport directly after my tan appointment. After about 2 minutes of instruction on the proper position to stand in and how to move so that the machine could get every inch of my body, I stepped into a private booth in nothing but my birthday suit. I got into the proper position and all of a sudden this blast of cold (really cold!) spray tan came out of the machine and started spraying me all over. It shocked me and those of you ladies who have had babies know that the bladder is always on the ready so my body decided to just let it all out while I was in shock from the cold spray tan. I started to pee and I couldn’t stop it. I started to laugh and totally missed some of those fancy moves they showed me but I felt like things were going to be ok and since I was by myself, no one would be the wiser. A little embarrassed, I quickly cleaned up, dried off and put my clothes back on. I ran out of that shop and looked down at my legs. The urine had totally washed the tanning solution off in big white streaks running down both legs. OH MY GOSH! I was on my way to Hawaii with pee striped legs! How embarrassing!

Part II. The coral reef

I got over the weird tan I received and had a few good laughs with our friends over my experience, mistakenly thinking my embarrassing moment was over for that trip. Once in Hawaii, we decide to go snorkeling at Hanauma Bay. It was a beautiful day, the sun was out and the ocean looked so blue. Before you get into the water, they have everyone watch a short video about the coral reef. They repeated many times NOT to touch the coral reef because it can damage it and it takes 3-5 years to grow back. In my mind I thought OK, I am not going to hurt that beautiful reef. We got our gear on and headed out into the ocean. It was a little difficult to adjust to breathing through a straw but eventually we got it. We floated over the reef and loved looking at the fish that lived in and around it. On the other side of the reef you could see how the ocean floor got further and further away from us. The water was darker and more ominous looking and all of a sudden I started to freak out and was hyperventilating. I don’t know if it was because of the pregnancy or due to my fear that a shark would come swimming into that cove and eat me but I was struggling. I told Ryan that I was going to head back to the beach (after I left Ryan saw a turtle and got to swim with it which was way cool). I was carefully swimming over the reef until the tide suddenly decided to go out and all of the water completely went away. There I was, stranded on top of the reef, totally touching it. The thing is, in my mind I was screaming “YOU’RE GOING TO DAMAGE THE REEF!” so I put my arms and feet up and just balanced on my pregnant belly, attempting not to touch the reef. As I lay there like a beached whale with tan striped legs, I couldn’t help but laugh! I decided to wait for a minute perched on my belly to see if the water would come back. It didn’t! I finally had to just stand up and walk off the reef. I am sure someone got quite a laugh watching me but I just kept my eyes down and jumped back in the water pretending like nothing had happened. I’m sure if we had the technology we have today, someone would have videoed me, the crazy pregnant reef destroyer and it would have been on Youtube, maybe it would have millions of views with the caption “Save The Reef from the Beached Whale.”

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